FUCK YOU ALL......

Perhaps, you people must be wondering(if you ever wonder),where in the lost world is udyan??? Well I’ve been really busy for past few days. Atleast I think I was busy.Being busy doesn’t only mean working, meeting friends and all that kind off stuff.Perhaps I was busy dreaming,abusing and cursing this world,planning for a suicide,getting depressed, smoking my lungs out and blah blah.Ahh!!!Electricity cut again.Fuck you Punjab electricity board.These electricity cuts are seriously killing me. So fucking depressing.
Well finally the electricity is back and am again writing this blog.Well, I have nothing else to do. So this time , I am going to write what I actually feel about this world and my friends these days. I might loose a couple of friends after this entry. Or people may write ill things about me on their blogs. But I just can’t help it. I am too-too fucking out of my mind. And yeah this is probably the first time I am going to use names. I won’t be writing about a lot of people whom I actually hate. Because this blog is only for special people. For whom I actually care. And this doesnot mean that if I am not writing about you,I hate you. So beware……………till the time you want to know the truth(my feelings),don’t read this!!!!!!!
A lot of you(I just hope a lot of people read my blog) must have read Catcher in the Rye. I finished that book a couple of days back and that book had a lasting impression on me. By now, probably you’d have realized that. I sincerely dedicate this entry to this masterpiece novel. A must read for all those who feel ‘this world…………SUCKS!!!!!’. One word to say it all.
Probably some of you (who are in constant contact with me) must thinking ‘ Why Udyan hasn’t written any entry about his trip??’ Well I just didn’t want to make it public laugh riot. I know the way I describe my trips is really funny and am aware of that fact. So didn’t feel like making you happy. Rather I wanted you people to be equally depressed. Equally Mind fucked!!!!!!!!!!!
To tell you a simple truth, a little secret which I am sure I share with a lot of my friends and the answer to your question ’Why is this guy so fucking depressed??’……the answer is simple……EXPECTATIONS, BETRAYAL and THIS CUNNING WORLD.
Expectations…..ahh such a simple English language word. But such a royal pain in the ass. Parents expect you to get a 9+ cgpa , not to drink and smoke, be an obedient choot son and blah blah. I don’t want to get my parents in the picture though. I really love them. I really respect them. But their expectations are like a 300 kg dumble, impossible to lift. How can you fucking prove yourself on all grounds ?You got to lose somewhere. Loosing somewhere is ok. But me…lost everywhere. Then there are these stupid peer pressures. A girl friend to lick your balls, a bunch of ugly choot friends to follow you, a great grade card and what not. Am I not a human without a girl friend? Can’t I be a good friend without a bunch of followers? Am I too dumb without a good grade card?? Sometimes , I feel what is so great about graduating from a good institute??? Well nothing. Atleast for me. As far as my current situation is concerned, Nothing seems to be the perfect answer.What else it could be??? A roomie who doesn’t want to stay with me. A bunch of sidie’s who feel I am some sort of an ALIEN.A teacher, who questions my intelligence. A group of friends whose sole motive is to study.A tennis captain, who kicked me out because I didn’t give enough ragging. Huh!!! So fucking depressing…Some times I feel I should leave this materialistic world and go to Himalayas. Or become THE CATCHER IN THE RYE. This feeling though comes and eats my mind everyday these days.
Well am not interested in elaborating on the betrayal and the the cunning world point. So relate those points to yourself and think of something. You people also didn’t have a perfect life.
Just as I said in the beginning , this time I am going to write something that might hurt someones feelings. I know I am no GOD to justify my feelings. But since these are my feelings, I have full right to type them and post them. I am sorry my friends. Probably the best I can do is write little less!!! Some recent feelings that really made me mad. Like super mad. Felt like hitting the guy on his face at that very moment. Luckily Swatej you are safe….you didn’t do anything stupid to really piss me off. Dearest Abhinav and Vidit…..FUCK YOU FOR THE FOLLOWING SHIT……Please don’t read this…. I just can’t control it but write it. I am sorry. You may not talk to me for a couple of days. Or even forever…..but I am sorry.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Huh I just write that sort of stuff. It’s not that bad though. But I just can’t allow others to have a feast on my feelings. FUCK U JUNTA. And if you really want to know what I wanted to write here……Ask me in person…….
That’s all I am going to write this time. I could probably tell you a lot, but am not interested. Rather am bored writing this entry. This writing stuff doesn’t interest me anymore. I don’t know why I told so many people about my misery. Maybe I wanted to write another catcher in the rye in context with my life. Perhaps I don’t know what to say. All I know , is that I love all the people I mentioned in this entry. Even those whom I hate. The tragedy is ….’ If you start telling anybody anything, you start missing everybody’..
Udyan Mehra
(no Maryjane this time….this time only real udyan)

NAUGHTY GOD

Here I am ...lying on the bed,listening to Eye of the Tiger and trying to understand this multi-dimensional life.Life is too tough to be explained this easily.Well I won't like to enter into the details of what I feel about life.Maybe I'll write another entry about my feeling some time later when i feel suicidal.Today I am happy...Too Gay to write such depressive stuff.On a funnier note,song just changed to Led Zeppelin's 'Baby I'm gonno leave you'.The funny thing.......No BABY for me...so who am I gonno Leave????With 'No baby for me', I don't intend to provoke the thought in your mind that I am impotent.It's just that I want to have a baby(both types).....enough of bad jokes.Lets get to the point.Well this entry is about my first and only French class,the Great Road trip and a little bit of Led Zeppelin.

NAUGHTY AMRITSAR

Well if are not familiar with the superhit american version of Naughty Amritsar,please open another tab and search for Naughty America.I expect the reader to be above 18.Due to lack of sponsors,camera crew and a director....the first edition to 'Naughty Amritsar presents My First Sex Teacher' with pornstar 'Miss Anu' and the super intellegent student Udyan Mehra couldn't be shooted. The story to this sex scene is very simple like any other pornographic movie.The
student(Udyan) enters teachers cabin.The teacher questions him about his bad performance in the subject.The student accuses his family and friends of not letting him concentrate in studies.The teacher showing some sympathy calls the student for a hug .While hugging(plz dont apply bitsian lingo here),teacher feels something getting harder.............and rest you can guess....Well enough of the horny crap.....let me tell you about my first French Class.We
Bitsians have a bad habbit of not attending lectures beacause of no compulsory attendace at BITS(yeah baby yeah...BITS RULES).As a result of this habbit,we can't tolerate any body teaching us anything.Thats what happened with me.The teacher(Miss Anu) was trying her best to teach me and my friend(the better half is back),but i wasn't interested in listening to her.And luckily for me,Miss Anu was hot.One of the finest teachers I have ever seen in my life.So my mind was busy in finding the technique to get into bed with me(not necessary a bed,even a table or the floor would have done the job).First of all , this course was costing me some 4000 bucks and secondly,a sexy teacher......NO SCOPE for learning.So,i knew it would be my first and only class.It's not that my parents can't afford 4000 bucks,it's just that i feel it's stupid to waste money on something you can't learn in 1.5 months.Also, I know better ways to burn away my
parents hard earned money(try to get the irony in this statement).So my dear friends , if you want MFST to come out, please send me some money so that I can continue the class.


DEVIL's MEET with GOD....

Before starting with this part of the blog.I'd like to share my views about religion.To be precise and clear, I am an atheist.I don't believe in the concept of God.I am more of a humanbeing oriented person.The word God is rather the biggest Evil in this world.The root cause for so many discriminations,riots and fights.Leaving this aside,let me tell you about this super funny/weird road trip.My parents forced me to come with them for this yatra to Chintpurni(it's a
Hindu dham in North India).I requested Mr. Better Half to join me for this adventurous and enlightning trip. He didn't accept my invitation.Though he joined me for the trip,all thanks to blackmailing techniques of my mom.Had he not been there,I wouldn't writing this .Rather i would have been on the news...Suicidee in Chintpurni. Well the day started in the worst possible manner.My dad was stuck in a village some 40 kms from Amritsar cuz the car refused
to start.Because of this,we people got little late.Consequense of this,Me and Better half had to get comfortable in the last seats of the bus.Adding to the Misery,as soon as I sat on the available seats,I saw GF written in front of me in capital letters.It couldn't have been worse.I was already out of mood,then this.WHY GOD WHY????Perhaps this so called GOD wasn't interested in meeting me.Well the bus had 5 must mention personalities

1)The Little Wonder:- This sweet cute little girl was one helluva demon.Perhaps the only girl in the world who thinks I am a good boy and Better Half is bad boy.All thanks to her,my ears could listen to some shame shame poppy shame for better half.If she is so good,then y is she a demon??? She ordered me to laugh for 5 minutes like a madman otherwise she'll kick me out of the bus.Her voice was deadly .

2)Sexy Girl:- Following the ladies first tradition, I must introduce the only good looking girl on the bus.Her only problem,she looked like a slut.Full make up and all.It was as if she had plan to have sex with GOD.But must say,she was good looking.And yeah , she was the daughter of most important personality on the bus........Mr Plant.And yeah,she was trying to give some signals to me.Even she wasn't giving them intentionally ,i'm still gonno write about it.ITS MY BLOG....

3)Desi Rocker:-This guy belonged to our engineering family only.He was really upset with his life.Couldn't do good in any of the entrance exams.But 1 thing that made him a standout, a great guitarist.Mr Plant ruined his day also, made him play Hanuman Chalisa on guitar,which he played really well till Mr . Plant interveened.

4)Mr Oppurtunist:- This dark faced uncle was always looking for oppurtunities to smoke cigrattes.I could see my future in him...

5)Robert Plant:-Robert Plant happens to be my favourite character of the story.If you guys dont have any idea about the real Robert Plant,please search about him on wiki.He was the lead vocalist of the greatest rock band in the history of the world ....LED ZEPPELIN. There was this uncle , who just looked like a carbon copy of Robert Plant.Only difference,he didn't have a such a great voice.Rather he sounded like a million year old record player.And from his actions on the bus,it looked like singing was his biggest passion.He didn't leave a single oppurtunity to sing.....Mr oppurtunist 2.There is another major difference between him and real robert plant.........he was short,plump and wasn't playing with his nipples.

The journey was tiring.It took us some 7 hrs to cover a 5 hr distance.First we had gone to JWALA JI.Another shrine near chintpurni.We had to do the darshan in some 10 secs(in the main shrine).This is what i really hate about Hindu temples.The pandits dont let u stand near the god murti for more than 10 secs.This temple had some jyot that had no supply . I mean to say ..... it had no gas supply and still it was burning.I like any other engineer,thought these pandits are trying to bluff us and started thinking of ways to do the trick.But later on accepted the fact that it was surreal.From there,we went to chintpurni .,did the darsham quickly started for the return trip.The return trip was a dreadful dream.The bus driver turned on the tv and played Aloo Chaat movie.Probably one the worst movies I have ever seen in my life.WTF....no story,ultra non sense acting and nothing special.Well I forgot to tell you the actual reason why i agreed on joining my parents for the road trip.See,Chintpurni lies in hilly region and hilly region is
really really GREEN........

Till then, Keep the world a greener place

Signing OFF
MARYJANE aka UDYAN

HEROIN,CGPA N HOME...

Ahh!!!Its feels so good to be writing again.I just finished watching HEROIN NATION...a Documentary.It was quite knowledgable!!!!But seeing the addicts in the show,I'm extremely worried with the thought 'WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT I'LL END UP LIKE THESE GUYS???'...I have got the best of schooling,best care,have got whatever i wanted,given enough freedom and this is how i repay my parents....TURINING INTO A JUNKIE....Sometimes I think what all i think is really COOL is actully that COOL???....ofcourse its not.....then why do i want to do all this sort of stuff?? ...GOD KNOWS...but you know what....ITS AWESOME TO GET HIGH ONCE IN A WHILE..LOL...

My mind is full of evil ways to make this blog interesting and readable.But you guys know,i can't write whatever i wish to write because a part of persons mind must be kept secret.If I reveal everything about myself this early,what would my fans get in the later posts.But ,this time i'd be writing about my finals(known as comprehensive examination in BITS Pilani) and the start to my summer holidays.

THE CGPA WAR...

CGPA is well known term to all engineering students.Ask any random engineering guy about his cgpa,and you'll get one of the following four reactions:-

1)GHOTS:-If the guy is a topper, you'll see how wide his smile gets every moment.He'll tell you his cgpa like he's lecturing some hundred noble laurets about particle physics.But dear friends(specially girls),try to remain away from these guys cuz 'These guys can get you money....but no pleasure'.This class of junta is known as 'THE GHOTS' and their cgpa criteria is more than 9.

2)The normal junta...people who score btw 7-9 cgpa.This class is subdivied into 2 classes:-
a)Normal:-People who study enough to get a decent cgpa,but also njoy their college lives.They react normally when asked their cgpa and are happy to declare it.
b)CHUTIYE GHOTS:-Probably the worst guys in the whole college.No respect.1st of all they study so much and then they get this cgpa.What is the use?These guys are jealous of the whole junta.Always dreaming to be toppers.Never ready to accept the reality.And they react weirdly when asked their cgpa.Their reaction can
be more unpredictable if the question is asked in the presence of a fellow other category student.It is as if they are just gonna cry.
3)THE DUDES:-The coolest category comprising of people below 7 cg.These guys enjoy their college lifes to fullest.Study when required. And i request all the toppers to appreciate this class because without these guys ....u cn never be toppers again.....n yeah...i also belong to this class...

Well I had the worst possible start to my exams this semester.Last semester i did extremely well in the finals without even studying a bit.But this semester i had promised my parents a decent cgpa.So I started studying like good boy.But then there was Engineering Graphics.Probably the only subject i liked this semester and the subject i screwed to the maximum.I prepared three days for this subject and what the fuck happened with in the exam???I scored 22 on 120....wtf wtf wtf... Am i this dumb?? Perhaps not....Actully i'll put the blame of me not doing well on destiny....Destiny always comes to my rescue...lol....EG was followed by CHEMISTRY....one of the 3 subjects in which i had hopes of a B...n my HIGH hopes...'THE GRASS WAS GREENER,THE LIGHT WAS BRIGHTER,BUT THE MARKS WERENT HIGHER'..Hope u understood what i meant....n then came the dreaded Probablity and Statistics....I still cant understand why we BITSIANS are taught this subject,but since we are I had to give the exam....n I did give the exam...that also after studying like a madman....but
again....its wasn't my day....PS was followed by 1 of my strongest subjects(during my iitjee coaching)...perhaps now my weakest...PHYSICS....before the compres,I was half drowned in the pool of the electrons,nucleus,coils,Electric field...but after the exam i sank to the bottom of the pool and died because of sheer stupidity... and rest of the papers i have intention of discussing.....they also went bad...though i still see a ray of hope in maths.....GOD SAVE ME......1 thing that i learned during the exams is that 'NO MATTER HOW GREEN THE GRASS IS.....DONT USE IT DURING EXAMS!!!!!!'

HOME SWEET HOME

Well i returned to Amritsar on Thursday after a tiring journey.I left Pilani at 6 in the morning,slept most of the way,luckily reached chandigarh in time,got the worst volvo possible(here i am not pointing to the bus condition but to the crowd...no hot girl in the bus)....but finally reached AMRITSAR...HOME SWEET HOME....Well its been a fun at home till now...n hopefully it remains fun till the end....I planned to do a lot of things this summer...but only started with my guitar classes and gym yet.....Well i am looking for a job.....went to pizza hut and CCD....but couldnot get any....maybe because of my beard or how deadly i look.....n you people might be thinking why an engineer from a reputed college needs to work at a restaurant??? Well i have a million reasons for that and perhaps the most important ones are:-

1)I'll get money...wow...n i need not ask my parent to be the sponsors for my stuff
2)I'll improve my social skills.
3)I'll be more patient.
4)Free BIRD watching.
.......... n many more reason

Till THEN SIGNING OFF.....
MARYJANE aka UDYAN

TWISTED TALES.....

After almost a month , the’ dope high mind’ is back. The only difference this time…..no dope, no alcohol, no fags. You must be thinking that this guy is turning into a SAINT. But that aint happening….its just that ‘I AM OUTTA MONEY’
Well the past month was quite interesting,a lot boring,massive amount of studing and last but not the least…Catastrophic amounts of smoking.After almost 2 and a half month I had gone back home. It was fun to be back.I met my ‘BETTER HALF’ and some other frnds of mine.Though din get tym to play holi , but it felt great to meet my school pals n all.The past month also taught me an important lesson” You need not study to get marks”.
Well this time I have some interesting incidents to tell….but before I start with my story telling, I would like to introduce an important character……THE BETTER HALF…..so who d f*** is this guy??? Well this chap happens to b my bestest frnd….rather more than a friend..(no gaypanti here…v hv no sexual relations)..v hv been together since v were 5 years old. V hv done everything together(but still , v hvnt seen each others penises n he doesn’t dope).These days , he is in the R – world, enjoying himself, turning into a man n tryin desperately to get a girl friend.(I kno u wont agree to this fact, but I kno u btr den u kno urself).Well if I have to describe this person in 1 line, it would be “A REAL INTELLEGENT GUY WHO SUM TYMS TURN INTO A WANNA BE CHOOOOT”

GANDHI’s NIGHTMARE

The story happens to criticize BITSIAN culture. The four main characters are:- Microorrganism, Fcuked, Loose Pants and Mohawk. Due to a ultrachutiya harkat of microorganism, all f dem wr badly fckd.. to the extent of kicking them out of the college. The story is simple and straight. All four drank 1 day in micro’s room, micro thought its cool not to throw the bottles and keep them. Warden chckd his room and he got busted. So how did fckd, loose n Mohawk came into pictre??? Well simple , micro took their names. These guys wr gangraped by MVN and VKS.All four barely madde it alive.Well the funny thing was the rumour that ws spread ie ‘There is a guy in gandhi bhawan,who has set up a bar in his room and he sells alcohol to other college guys. N the most funny thing was, that micro will soon be turning into a PIMP n would start selling prostitutes.’This is good in a way,atleast bitsians would get to c sum hot chicks.Well before ending the story,I’d like to make a few points.1st of all, every person in bits is above 18, so v cn nw legally drink and derive.So y d fuck is the college management interfering in our personal lives.Secondly, I’ll advice bitsian management to start quota ……. Not SC,ST,OBC quota…but Hot, Beautiful and Sexy Girls quota.And in the I hope that u understood the sarcasm behind the title.

JEE 09(JUST ENROLLMENT EXAM….KOI BHI AA JAYO)

This year, probably the toughest exam in the world turned into one of the simplest exams.Well what was IITG people thinking while setting the paper????WELFARE OF THE SOCIETY!!!!! Well take my word, if JEE is goin to be like this, no SC\ST quota is reqd. The dumb quota guys can also crack such a SIMPLE paper. Anyways, I was also gonno give this exam . But all thanks to my Comp Prog. Exam , I didn’t give. AND now I think I am an IDIOT. Firstly JEE was so simple, so I could have cracked it. Secondly, CP exam was super tough for a guy like me, who can’t understand the C of C language. So as expected, I screwed it big time and my dreams of ‘NOT STUDYING AT IIT BOMBAY’ are gone(once again).

DEATHBED

THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY FIRST SONG……


The lights are blinding
The sun,still not shinning
This ego, about to be killed
In this heart,darkness just filled
These eyes,not ready to open
My soul,all prepared to be beaten

Chorus

You just cant smell it
You just cant ignore it
You just feel it
You just want it
@1
(It is the high
It is the God
It is the LIFE)
yeh
@ 1 repeated

para 2

This cold,not just too cool
This heat,just not too hot
This noise,just not too loud
This pain,I just dont feel
My shadow,burnt to ashes
Dis life, just dont steal away

Chorus(repeated just like above)

I just wanna feel it x2
I just wanna feel this life

My Deli trip......

Dis happens to b my 1st post....so b4 i strt.....i'd like 2 make it clear.....i'd b writin all dis after i am high......some or the other way ie dope,daaru,cig,sumthing i wont say here ..n all this comes straight from my mind.......no alterations..all exaggerations n all shit......so if u r really free.....read dis.......also .... there will b frequent use of foul language.....n if u hav a problem....fuck off!!!!!!!......

So....where shud i begin....after a long n hectic journey...in d worst possible bus...(a guy like me wud nvr hv travelled in such a bus evr n evr....but dis is fate)......i rechd dilli.....(i dont understand y i luv dis city so much)....newz cming bak 2 d topic.....dilli mein aate hi feel aa gayi.......beautiful grls all around......u jst cnt stop staring.....pilani kahan aur dilli kahan....arey ghar vaapis ja ke bhi itna maaza nahi aata.....newz...i took an auto n reachd my hotel...Grand Intercontinental...funny thing it ws a 5 star hotel.....n i am in an auto......even the gate keepers were shocked.......they asked me a hundred questionss b4 letting me in..i had 2 make dem tlk wid my parents....saalon ko main ek terrorist lag raha tha.......vaise i ws looking like a terrorist.....full beard,ajeeb hairstyle n all.......
Room ws gr8...but i wont get into the details of room.... the 1st thing i did after reaching d room ws nahana.....yeah nahana.....almost after 15 days....seriously no exaggeration here.....n den i say d menu...n if u hav evr stayed in a 5 star, u'd understand wts a 5 stars menu........fuckin hell.....saale paani bhi 150 ka dete hain.......pata nahin shayad paani bhi khud banate honge....o2 n h2 ka reaction kara ke...chutiye saale......lekin phir bhi maine ek 800 ka pizza order kiya....(imp note. :- My dad is a doctor.He had his conference in deli. n luckily for good docs,they get 2 stay at 5 stars for free n order nething.....)....rest of the day 1 went eventless.........xcept....
The Hotel had VERSACE Boutique .....n i tried a versace suit costing some 4 lacs.......nw for a materialistic guy like me, versace is on top of the list......n vaise bhi 4 lakh ka suit kaun nahi free mein try karna chahega......
Nxt day i went 2 my masi's place....n after almost 3 years , i met my cuzon...Rohan Wadhwa...he deserves a special mention here.......he's in 10th,failed in pre board xams n academically dud ......but has had almost 10 gf's n has done almost ol d gr8 things....so grl wise gr8888....i need to learn dis art frm him........but dis tym he needed my help.....the first thing he said on meeting me was" V need to tlk a lot.....lets go sumwhere else....how abt hookah?"........iwsnt shocked...n like neoder teenager he ws eager to tell me, wateva he has achieved till nw...like alchohol......n in his terms,mixin 40 ml vodka(mini) in a 2 litre coke bottle results into sumthing that cn turn on nebody...bloody looser........he din kno he ws tlkin 2 a professional.....n yeah i wont b givin rest of the details.....but i am nt proud of only 1 moment wid him.....i allowed him 2 take a puff in front of me.....
Leaaving aside my shopin spree.......another funny incident happened wid me.....n again i ws proven d BIGGEST LOOSER..patle hone waala nahi...i ws hvin breakfast in d hotel.......a grl ws sittin in front of me....luckily she ws sittin behind my parents....so evn wen i ws starin at her(i wsnt d only 1 staring,she ws also staring at me.....i kno u mst b thnkin hw cn ne grl hav such a bad taste,but dont thnk much), my parents thought that i ws eating wid manners........continously eatin widout evn lookin in d plate once......fast forwardin ..... i thought of takin an initiative.....so i went to refill my glass wid juice....n luckily she followed......but story doesnt end here.....while i ws refilling the glass, i saw one of the female staff member of the hotel.....she ws hot,hot,hot,hot,hot......infinite tyms.....n main tharak gaya......so instead of lookin in the glass.....i strtd starin at the staff grl...anushka(she ws wearin a name tag)....n juice spilled ovr.......n d 1st grl strtd laughing.......n all i cud say to her ws......"SORRy,SORRY,Sorry......"......but 1 gud thing happend.......anushka came 2 clean up d mess....n i did tlk 2 her......but obviously of no use.........so moral of the story is ..."ek tym par do naavon mein taang ghusayoge toh dooboge hi".........
n as far as my doping expedition is concernd.......i tried blue label wid my dad in d hotel......i kno how hard i had 2 wrk in order 2 convince him that two male adults cnt tlk serious stuff widout scotch.....serious stuff here is my future n all crap....